Tenchi Muyo Marriages!

Well normally I am either to busy or tired to do something like this, but I thought I would give just the wedding scene a shot, only cause this is how I think it would go. I am aware of the fact that this may be frowned upon but I believe this shall lay testament to itself and forewarn anyone else thinking of trying.

THE WEDDING SCENE, ACT IV of "No Need for Four Women and a Wedding"

The Church was packed with many faces I had never seen before, and the noise of their talking was almost deafening. I was nervously waiting for the organ music to start and my future bride-to-be to step out and make her appearance. I had gone all out for this wedding, trying to make it perfect for the pirate who stole my heart with a glance.

I first saw her flying while driving my car in a forest out in the middle of nowhere. I think it was the cyan hair that originally grabbed my attention, and then I noticed that she was forty feet in the air with nothing holding her up. Needless to say I was shocked, I mean have YOU ever seen anyone fly? Didn't think so, but as I stared at this beauty in the air, she suddenly looked down at me with eyes so beautiful they swallowed my soul, and then she waved as if everything was normal. I stared up at her for what seemed like hours, but could have only been a few seconds, and then I mercifully crashed into a tree. I came out of the hospital one month later with a noticeable limp and a burning desire to find this mystery woman. It took me three months to track her down and another month to get the courage to approach her.

She went to this bar in Tokyo every once in a while, I think she went to escape and drink sake in a different environment, and as I saw her sitting their I went up and said, "I had no idea pirates from other planets who have furry space ships and incredible powers that defy laws of nature frequented bars like this." And that would sum up our relationship for the next six months, which is basically this: Ryoko would ignore me and I would try and charm her with my ingenious wit and incredible talent (hey, atleast I'm better than that coward Tenchi). After a very humiliating and embarrassing six months of downright begging, Ryoko finally seemed to let me in. I think it mostly had to do with her dealing with constant rejections from Tenchi and my availability (ok, ok, my constant stalking, pleading, and readiness to do anything she wanted). Anyway, she slowly opened up to me and told me her inner fears and secret fantasies (usually after a few drinks of sake) and I was able to show her my manliness and virtuous that any female would want (ok, I lied to her like a rug).

Our love grew with the seasons and I was finally able to save enough money and courage to buy her a ring and propose after two years of courtship, which had as many ups and downs as a rollercoaster. She said yes and now I am here waiting for Ryoko, as it was meant to be, as it will always be, in this church, on this day of the rest of my life.

One thing you should know, I was able to keep my relationship a secret from Tenchi, Washu, Sasami, Yosho, and Nobuyuki. I worked out a deal with Ayeka, which turned out to be the smartest thing I ever did, and I never even worried if Mihoshi would find out. Unfortunately for me however, Ryoko invited everybody to attend and this is causing me no end of distress and most likely the cause of the butterflies in my stomach and a fear that keeps telling me to run while I still can. The organ music started and I can finally see my goddess walk down the isle in pure white with her cyan hair done up beautifully with moonstones and diamonds. Ryoko had talked Washu into performing the ceremony, and as Ryoko walked up to her Washu was smiling broadly, just like I pictured a proud mother would.

Ryoko stopped and turned around slightly, as the organ music changed tempo slightly, which was my que to enter. I paused and took a deep breath, and stepped out confidently into the aisle. I watched the faces of people as I walked up, they mainly reflected a sense of anger at my arrogance and ego of thinking I was worthy of my goddess, though a few seemed to have held some joy, even respect and envy, at my appearance. Though I looked specifically for Tenchi's face he was surprisingly absent, oh well, maybe I wouldn't have to deal with him after all. I walked down the isle in my imported Jurai clothing and looked up adoringly at my future bride, and she looked back with the ghost of a smile on her lips, her face composed, but I believe, held hidden happiness.

As I took my place next to Ryoko I glanced at Washu, who winked at me and started the proceedings. My attention wandered as Washu went through the motions, I can not even believe I am standing here, if you had asked me a couple of months ago if this was possible I would have told you "not a chance in hell." Finally Washu got to the important part, and I turned to my darling Ryoko and said with all my heart, "I do!"

Washu turned to Ryoko and stated formally, "Do you Ryoko, daughter of Washu the Greatest Scientific Genius in the entire Universe, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Ryoko calmly raised her veil and turned to me demurely, and the seconds seemed to turn into years as I soaked in every detail of her flawless skin, brilliant yellow eyes, vibrant shimmering cyan hair, and a figure to make any man shake with desire. She pursed her lips as if considering the question and said the words I new would change my life forever.

"No way," Ryoko said with feeling, and summoned her sword to her hand and plunged it right through my heart. I looked down at the energy sword transfixed in my chest with disbelief, and oddly I felt no pain. I looked back up at Ryoko, a question in my eyes, and she smoothly removed the sword from my body.

I crumpled to the ground as if the sword had been the only thing holding me up earlier and stared as the blood poured from my dying body. I noticed that Ryoko had changed into her battle suit and was walking over to a group of people, and as I was finally able to focus my eyes I recognized them. Ryoko, Washu, Tenchi, Ayeka, Sasami, and Mihoshi were all standing off to one side in a group.

"Wait," I say. "This isn't how the author wrote it! It's supposed to be a happy ending... I'm supposed to marry Ryoko!"

"This poor sad fool thought he could separate me from my Tenchi," Ryoko said, glomping onto Tenchi. "Whatever was he thinking?"

"I have no idea Ryoko," Washu says, her voice holding some annoyance. "How can anyone be foolish enough to think that none of us would find out, especially me, the Greatest Scientific Mind in all known fanfics."

"Uh... Ryoko," Tenchi states with wimpiness. "I need to my big speech thing now about me loving all the women surrounding me and how I shall never be separated from them, so could you please get off of me!"

"Tenchi!" Ayeka says in her aristocratic tone. "If you would just be a man and make up your mind fanfic writers wouldn't be this foolish and we wouldn't have to put through this again and again!"

"But Ayeka," Sasami says. "The series might end if that were to happen and then we might be out of work and you might be unhappy."

"But Tenchi will choose me, I'm sure of it. Right Tenchi?..." Ayeka says, but Ryoko quickly cuts in before Tenchi can answer, "Oh, so the little princess believes she has a chance. I think she really wants this to go on because she woudn't get all the fancy clothes anymore when Tenchi picks me, and we live happily ever after." As Ryoko glares at Ayeka, who promptly replies heatedly with, "What would a monster like you know about it, you third rate tramp!" And Ryoko and Ayeka create sparks between their gazes.

"Now girls, no time to fight," Washu says, while typing away at her computer. "I believe we all have bigger fish to fry." And having said that a portal appears and the author of this short fic falls out of the air and lands in a heap on the ground. The Tenchi group all turn and look as one at the new arrival.

"Hey guys, gals, and aliens," Author, formerly known as Sam, says haltingly. "This was just my attempt at a wedding. No harm done right...?" Sam looks up appealing at the Tenchi Group, and especially Ryoko.

"Who are you trying to fool," Ryoko says with heat, the very air around her crackling. "... You made people think I would go for anyone other than my Tenchi, not to mention making people think I am a drunk, maybe even a tramp. I'm gonna show you a new meaning of harm you hack."

"I don't get it," says Mihoshi. "How is he a hack? He is an idiot for treating me like a simpleton, but he doesn't look like he has been hacked up or anything." Everyone pountedly ignores Mihoshi.

"Yeah," says Tenchi. "And you made me look like a wimp!" The rest of the Tenchi group looks at him and shouts, "But you are!!" And Tenchi winces at the onslaught of voices.

"Hmmm... bad grammar, worse plot, and unbelievably bad use of the TM! characters," Washu says distractedly. "I believe this fic gets an "F" and should be of the use only to MISTers. You shall now receive your punishment, Sam" Washu looks up from her screen and grins wickedly in the monitor light.

"Wait," Sam says, scared out of his mind. "Can't we work something out. I didn't mean to misuse you so badly, I was only trying to write my wedding with Ryoko... please don't hurt me!"

And with that the Tenchi Muyo! cast proceeds to beat the ever-living daylights out of the author, formerly known as Sam. After the cast is done a very mangled, but breathing, body can be seen trying to get weakly to his feet.

"Oh, and I hear you RFFC members like to write stories where I kill you in some dramatic way," Ryoko says with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. "So hear you go." Ryoko stand up and concentrates for a few minutes and several of her light swords appear over Sam's head and promptly rush down impaling with swift and viscous speed, making a sickening mushing sound as they pass through his body. Ryoko sighs and looks down at the formerly alive body of the author formerly known as Sam. "I hope your happy now you hack." And having said that the Tenchi Muyo! cast walk away, brushing their hands of the whole mess, and go back to arguing with the producers over the third OVA.

* * * * * * * *

Most of this is my opinion and I hope I did not offend anyone with this. I'm sorry if its long, I had meant it to be much shorter, but I got a little carried away, and excuse the grammer, its late and I'm tired. I just thought I'd write by example at how impossible I think it is to write anything like that true to the Tenchi Universe of an alternate choice for our goddess. That and poke a little fun at everything I can think of off the top of my head late at night. While I hate Tenchi with a passion (can't ya tell) I don't think there is any other choice. But lately if this growing urge to write fics about the Tenchi Muyo! and Ryoko is growing maybe we should think about sticking these all on the website maybe, or start one just for this purpose. Just a thought.

Well I'm tired and that took longer than I thought.

Sayonara,
Sam

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